This boy who I fell head over has messed with my head. We haven't even made our relationship official, but we hang out LOADS and spend LOADS of time together. We've kissed but nothing else. I've openly admitted my feelings for him and he did the same and I told him that being in a relationship wouldn't be the best idea. He agreed. So we've stayed really close friends, but we seem to have gotten closer. More cuddles and acting more like a couple. I share all my secrets with him and he does the same to me too, he's the first honest friend I've had in my life. That's why I want to keep it as friends because if I lost him as a friend, I'd have no one to turn to any longer. He's messed with my head by going off with girls randomly on dates. At first, I wasn't bothered because we're nothing more than friends but as the more dates happened, I found myself getting really jealous. I know it's jealousy and I'm not afraid to admit that. I confronted him and asked him why he wanted to date other girls when he told me he had found nobody like me before. People think I'm overreacting because we're just friends but we talk to each other as if we're more. We hold hands and cuddle and say we love each other. I told him I only want to be friends with him because of the fear of losing him and he said the SAME back! He said he couldn't see himself with anyone but me. I feel really hurt. Like I've been back stabbed. I'm so pissed off because one half of me feels stupid for expecting someone who's not my boyfriend to not see other girls, but the other half is so angry he lied to me
Asketh - Anonymous
I understand how you must be feeling, it sounds as if you act like a couple but with the label of just friends. That’s going to be really difficult and the more you keep the label of friends up, you’re not ever going to grow into a couple. You need to be honest with him and tell him that you feel upset over him dating other girls. You being upset over this shows you care about him as more than a friend, maybe you should go on a trial dating period and see what it’s like? If you still prefer him as just a friend then, then you’ll have to stop the couple-like things and just stay close friends and let him date other girls. It’d be unfair to keep him as a friend but with the laws of a relationship and most of all, it’d be unfair to you.
There’s a fear of losing your loved one in any relationship, sometimes that can be the whole thing that determines couples that make it or couples that fall apart. For instance, the fear of losing your loved one can make some couples get overly jealous or overly insecure and control who they talk to because they’re so scared their significant other will find someone knew. This will only drive them apart and make them lose their spark. Other couples that are afraid of losing their significant other, will stay strong throughout arguments and always think before their actions because they’ll wonder what impact their words or actions will have and they’ll never want to risk losing their lover ever.
It all depends if you use your fear of losing him as a strength or as a weakness, and right now it’s a weakness because you’re too scared to even try being with him.
Just be honest with him, and I have no doubt that he’ll be feeling the same way too. He might even be dating these girls just to try and make you jealous, you won’t know until you properly tell him everything on your mind.
Hope this helps x
